Recently, I've been thinking a lot about what it really means to truly lack nothing.
James 1:2-4 says:
My friends, consider yourselves fortunate when all kinds of trials come your way, for you know that when your faith succeeds in facing such trials, the result is the ability to endure. Make sure that your endurance carries you all the way without failing, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing (emphasis added).
And Psalms 23:1 says:
The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.
Much about codependent thinking and behaviors derives from how we see ourselves and our value as a person. When we believe that we lack something, no matter what it is, we tend to assume that there is something "wrong" with us—that our worth and value as a person decreases. This is the very first psychological and manipulative tactic the enemy used in the Garden of Eden.
Genesis 3:5:
"God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil."
The enemy convinced Eve that God was withholding knowledge from her, and therefore, she was incomplete (as a person) without it.
Abraham's wife, Sarah, also fell into the same trap. After years and years of waiting for the son that God had promised, she became so discouraged that she took matters into her own hands by giving her handmaid, Hagar, to Abraham as a second wife in order for him to have an heir. Sarah accepted the lie that her own personal worth was wrapped up in her ability to conceive an heir for her husband. And she accepted the lie that she lacked that worth.
Wanting wisdom and knowledge, in and of itself, is not wrong. As a matter of fact, scripture tells us that God encourages us to seek wisdom and knowledge, and that God is faithful and delighted to give it to us. However, God's timing and ways, which are perfect, are much higher than our own. He sees the bigger picture and the plan and purpose in all things.
Facing yet another divorce from another alcoholic in my 40’s, I look back on my life and can't help but stumble in the lie that I lack. The enemy would have me believe that I am lacking a good husband. That I've never experienced true, agape love in my relationships or marriages. And honestly, it's that true, agape love that my heart desires and craves the most. But God is the only one who can truly provide that kind of love, and he freely gives it through salvation in Christ Jesus. Because I am an adopted child of God, a new creation (spirit/person) lives in me and is truly who I am. And that spirit person lacks nothing, not even love. People cannot love the way that God loves, for we all fall short. Codependents focus on the lack of agape love we receive from people. And though, as the Body of Christ, the Bible teaches that we are all supposed to do our best to give freely that agape love to others, the enemy still rules the flesh. The truth is that we will never attain that agape love in the most fulfilling way from any other human being. But we have always had that love from God, long before the beginning of time. And yet, it still wounds and hurts when people fail to give us that agape love, even on a flawed, human level. My faith and trust in God has increased with these revelations, but my wounds from those who simply did not have the capacity or the ability to love me has left me with a very large disconnection with people. It's as if I simply cannot connect to others on a certain relational level because I know, as human beings, everyone is bound to attempt to hurt or use me in some way eventually. Therefore, the codependent thoughts and behaviors appear in my relationships with others. However, the Holy Spirit reminds me that what I am actually doing is placing people as the judge of my worth because I am, in a way, protecting myself from their judgment.
I believe this stems from the lie that my worth decreases when people sin against me. That somehow, the cause of their hurtful action or inaction was a lack of some sort on my part. Codependents, at some point in our lives, have had the enemy plant this lie in our minds and hearts. But, see, here's the truth... if I am purposefully doing my best to follow the ways of Jesus (ruled by the Holy Spirit), and a person sins against me following the ways of the flesh (ruled by Satan), what that really proves is the GREATNESS OF MY WORTH in the eyes of God, whose opinion trumps all others anyway. As I have said before, bad things do not happen because God is not good, they happen in rebellion of that goodness. People behaving in selfish ways towards us is actually the enemy working through their flesh to combat the goodness of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. So, it isn't even about our worth or value as a person, it's about the worth and value of God in us and through us. Ephesians 6:12
Many little girls dream of a time when they have a loving husband, precious children and a nice home. We dream of white, picket fences. And though a loving, happy family and home is God's design, this in and of itself, is not what it means to live an abundant life, or to lack nothing. John the Beloved, was exiled and alone when he wrote the Book of Revelation. He did not lack an abundant life. Nor did the Apostle Paul, who was quite content being a single, Christian man. The Virgin Mary did not lose her value because she watched her son be crucified. Who they were and their value and worth were determined by God's plan and purposes. God created them for a reason, and their worth stood in that reason. We, as daughters of God, possess everything that we could possibly need (and more) to be the person God created us to be and that person is loved by God in such a deep, profound way, it is beyond our understanding.
The "abundant life" isn't about what we get or have in this life. It's about giving and sharing with others what we already have… the agape love of God.
Love in Christ and still striving to be,
Very Kimberly